The Holiday Season isn't Easy for Everyone
Dec 06, 2023
Seasons Greetings !
The holiday season isn't an easy time for all of us. There are many reasons for this. It's a hard time for me now, because of my mum.
If you find this time of year hard, please rest assured you are not alone.
Saturday 2nd December 2023 marked the 2nd anniversary of my mother's passing. I spent this anniversary in Canberra, with my family reflecting and having the day off work. We often need this.
It took a while before I would stop thinking I must have a chat with mum. I'd think this when something interesting would happen. My sister felt the same way.
I still occasionally have to remind myself she is gone. My 4yo daughter still asks about her.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her.
Death is one of the hardest things we deal with in life. Losing loved ones. Regardless of whether it's expected.
Fear of death is one of the Kleshas in yoga. Kleshas are causes of suffering. Abhinivesha the will to live even if we are suffering. It's mainly fear of our own death though. What is suffering? It is an overwhelming burden that causes excessive stress and disease. The aim of yoga is to reduce this suffering.
Animals accept their own mortality better than we do. For instance, I witnessed my friend's horse break his leg back in the 1990s. It was a clean break at the hock. His leg was hanging by skin. He had no will to live and just wanted to die. He wasn't scared just wanted that injection.
Mum's death was expected, I spent a fair amount of time reflecting and preparing for this occasion. I had lockdown for this. The hardest part was during lockdown, I couldn't see her. I face-timed her often. The worry was, she wouldn't survive lockdown. But Face-time hid how much she had deteriorated from this rare form of Sarcoma that killed her. I was shocked when I saw her after lockdown. It was confronting.
As soon as the borders open, we were into New South Wales. We stayed in the bordering town of Wodonga the night before. I am grateful Mum survived. I was able to say my goodbyes to her then incase she died then. As she was diagnosed as terminal 2 months prior.
She survived longer than this and we were able to see her for 5 days at Clare Holland House (Canberra Hospice). Some family members were unable to get there on time. I'm grateful I wasn't one of them.
I'm grateful to the staff there for their excellent care. I'm grateful mum wasn't in too much pain, unlike many terminally ill patients.
After she died, I stood in her room with her and videod some people outside rowing on Lake Burley Griffin. I did this to reassure myself that life would go on, despite mum no longer being there with me. It was a day I will never forget.
Thank you mum. Thank you for being my advocate, sounding board for just over 40 years. Most of all, thank you for being the best mum any child could dream of.
